Date An Uchiha
by ForeverLilacLies
Summary: Naruto likes Sasuke and goes to Itachi for a pep talk. Itachi is a bit occupied at the moment but would never turn away a child in need. Non-massacre AU.


**Just another non serious SasuNaru/KakaIta oneshot to brighten up someone's day...or night. It's night here...so dark.**

* * *

There were few things out there that really scared Uzumaki Naruto. Maybe Sakura occasionally with her fists or large spiders...but in all reality those two things were no where nearly as frightening as Uchiha Itachi could be, which was odd considering Itachi was the kinder of the Uchiha brothers. Itachi always made Naruto feel welcome and accepted when he would come by to see Sasuke. In all honesty Itachi had always treated Naruto with respect which was a big reason Naruto had always adored him.

But...

Naruto was not coming over to the Uchiha household for fun and games today. He was coming over to see Itachi specifically. You see, Naruto wanted to ask Sasuke out on a date. But he figured the best person to ask for advice would be Itachi. But that meant telling Itachi that he wanted to take his precious bother out and possibly make out with him. Naruto had seen Itachi fight. He did _not_ want to be on the losing side of that battle. Fugaku and Mikoto were on a retreat for the month and it gave the brothers free reign of the house. Which meant Itachi could bring his unapproved boyfriend to the house. Naruto peeked his head around the sliding door and looked into the kitchen.

Itachi was currently in the kitchen and seemed otherwise occupied. He was on the counter, straddling the lap of who could only be Hatake Kakashi. The two were lazily kissing, Kakashi's hands running patterns down Itachi's spine. Naruto was surprised that they had not realized he was there, but this thought was swiftly squashed when Itachi glanced over his shoulder and into Naruto's eyes.

"Naruto-kun." He greeted genially. Kakashi's mask was already back in place and Naruto cursed himself for not getting a look at his face. "Sasuke's not here." He had not bothered to move off of Kakashi's lap and Kakashi did not see concerned with moving him. Naruto nodded and apologized for barging in but Itachi waved him off with a flick of his wrist.

Itachi's nails were well manicured and painted a deep shade of purple. For such a fearsome and powerful Shinobi, Itachi sure knew how to treat himself. Naruto had already heard that he often went to the local spa with Anko and their whole group. It would explain why his skin was so soft and why he smelled so good. Even powerful threatening ninjas like Itachi needed some TLC. Itachi had turned his attention back to Kakashi, figuring Naruto would wander off in search of his brother.

"Ummm..." Naruto awkwardly rubbed the side of his nose. Itachi turned from where he was perched on Kakashi's lap, fixing Naruto with a long intense stare.

"Oh," He commented, sliding off Kakashi's lap and ignoring the older man's attempts to keep him there. "Are you not looking for Sasuke?" Itachi cast him that brotherly look he often did when he and Sasuke would come to him with trouble. It only made Naruto feel even more awkward and he fixed his eyes on the two cups of tea sitting on the counter.

"Well, I was hoping to talk to you first."

"About what? Is something wrong?" Naruto could literally seeing the big brother persona kicking in and he quickly shook his head.

"No, no everything is great! Wonderful! I just needed to tell you something!" Itachi blinked. Kakashi remained sitting on the counter and watched the exchange in interest.

"And that would be?" Itachi politely prompted the boy who puffed out his cheeks. It was now or never.

"I like Sasuke." He finally spat out and there was a beat of silence.

"And?" Itachi prompted with a polite nod of his head as Kakashi sighed slightly, looking all too amused. The boy quickly shook his head, frustrated that Itachi had not gotten it.

"No, I mean I _like_ him. Like I wanna date him." Naruto explained.

" _Yes_ , and?" Itachi stared at him expectantly. Naruto blinked owlishly. He stared at the Uchiha who was still waiting for him to speak.

"You knew?" Naruto finally gasped and Itachi released a weary sigh.

" _Everyone_ knows, Naruto." Itachi replied and Kakashi raised his hand, catching the blonde's attention.

"If it makes you feel any better Naruto, I had no idea. I am completely blind sided by this revelation that you've announced. I think I need a moment." Kakashi called from the counter with dramatic flair. Itachi glanced over his shoulder.

"Hush." He quietly commanded and Kakashi smiled behind the mask.

"Yes dear." Itachi turned back to look at Naruto, an interested look spreading across his lovely face.

"So you wish to date my brother?" Itachi mused thoughtfully. Naruto shifted from foot to foot, biting the inside of his lip as he tried not to shrink under those dark eyes that stared unblinking at him. What was with Uchiha boys and being so damned attractive? Sasuke had that broody dark masculine look going on and Itachi was far too pretty to be real. Those eyelashes and those full lips? Kakashi never stood a chance.

"Ummm...yes?" Naruto hesitantly responded and Itachi nodded, looking satisfied.

"I will admit you have a certain...charm that my brother finds quite pleasing. But why come to me if you wish to date him?" Itachi questioned and Naruto released a long sigh.

"I was hoping for advice...or at least your blessing?" Naruto peeked at Itachi who shared a long glance with Kakashi who was trying to take the tie from Itachi's hair. Itachi swatted his lover's hand away to waggle his finger at the blonde.

"Naruto-kun, you know for a fact that I would not impose on my brother's romantic choices...if anything I would simply watch from afar as it destroys itself." Itachi casually stated.

"You're a little protective of him." Naruto quietly pointed out as Kakashi nodded in agreement. Itachi waved them off.

"I trust Sasuke to know who is worthy to date him and who is not."

The same could not be said about Sasuke when Itachi and Kakashi first started dating. The boy had attempted so many times to sabotage their dates and might have even tried to set Kakashi's apartment on fire. Not that it could be traced back to him, but still. The boy was a little insane when it came to Itachi and Itachi's love life.

Naruto honestly had not expected it to be honest. It was still really weird to see his sensei dating his best friend's brother. Kakashi was so...well the man seemed uninterested in everything! Life was just a breeze to him and nothing really got the man pumped. He was habitually late and noncommittal while Itachi was so incredibly punctual and professional. While Kakashi worshipped books like Icha Icha Paradise, Itachi preferred more refined reading. They were completely opposite in some respects, but still they made a really attractive couple. Albeit a very kinky one that Naruto often heard ran rampart when Itachi discovered that he _really_ enjoyed sex. Sasuke had not shut up about it for **weeks**!

Well, the first step was complete. He had Itachi's approval...maybe. Now he needed advice.

"So how do I ask him out? Does he want flowers? Does he want dramatics?" Naruto questioned. Itachi sat back on Kakashi's lap and ran long fingers through the man's silver hair as he thought it over.

"He does not appreciate grand gestures and romance. No flowers, no sweets. Just be true to yourself." Itachi shook his head and ran a finger down Kakashi's covered lips. Kakashi made a noise of agreement and looked at his student with half mast eyes.

"Just...be yourself. Your obnoxious in your face self." Kakashi offered and Itachi nodded at this, looking back to Naruto. The blonde nodded, cheeks puffing in determination. He could do this. He could win Sasuke over! He would sweep Sasuke off his feet and carry him into the sunset...well actually Sasuke was taller than him so maybe he would do the sweeping? Naruto wasn't too concerned about the details at the moment. First he would have to find Sasuke, then plead his case. All those long dramatic stare offs and repressed urges had to mean something right?

"Itachi the whip cream is melting..." Kakashi whined and Naruto blanched at what those two pervs were planning. Itachi himself was scantily clad in what on earth was that beautiful Uchiha wearing?...oh _god_ had Naruto just walked in on one of their scenes? And Itachi had been so casual!? Kakashi too! Were they into that sort of thing?

"Uhhh thanks for the pep talk...I'll just..." Naruto began to back away.

"Oh, Naruto before you leave..." Itachi called out and Naruto looked over at Sasuke's older brother who was once again stroking his fingers through Kakashi's hair. Kakashi was wearing a god damned collar...

"Yeah?" Naruto looked back at the older Uchiha, trying to avoid looking at those studded nipples or the leather shorts that the Uchiha was wearing.

"I like you Naruto." Itachi hummed lightly, Kakashi smiling as he leaned into Itachi's hands. "Don't ruin it." His eyes briefly flowed and an ominous aura seemed to sweep the kitchen. Kakashi did not seem too concerned about it and continued to smile pleasantly. Naruto gulped and offered the Uchiha a quick salute before darting out of the kitchen. When Naruto was gone, Itachi turned back to Kakashi grinning wickedly.

"Where were we?" He teased.

Kakashi grabbed the whipped cream and chocolate sauce off the counter.

* * *

Naruto raced from the Uchiha compound and towards the training fields. He knew Sasuke often went there to train and he hoped the boy would be there now. He quickly left the village gates, even going as far to ignore the ramen stand despite it's beautiful aroma... Naruto had a far more important task than ramen... Sasuke was just returning from training in the fields when Naruto ran into him. Naruto was momentarily distracted by the sight of the Uchiha flushed and sweaty. The Uchiha caught him staring and frowned at him. Naruto shook his head and darted forward.

" **SASUKEH!** I gotta tell you something!" Naruto called out. Sasuke sighed in exasperation at the loud voice.

"What is it, Dode?" Sasuke drawled, hands stuffed into his pockets as he walked at a lazy pace. Naruto fell into step with him. Naruto awkwardly fidgeted.

"So ummm well you see..." Naruto began and Sasuke stopped walking to stare at the boy. Naruto released a loud sigh, arms limp at his side.

 _Be yourself, be yourself..._

"Sasuke..." Naruto began and quickly trailed off. Sasuke blinked, looking over his friend and rival.

"Do you want to talk later?" Sasuke offered and Naruto scowled.

"No! It's just..." Naruto couldn't finish.

"Are you feeling sick?" Sasuke actually looked a bit concerned.

"You're totally wrong!" Naruto smacked Sasuke's shoulder. "Dammit you don't understand, do you?"

"Help me understand." Dramatic wind goes by and ruffles his hair and birds fly overhead. Naruto offered the Uchiha a slight strained smile.

"I think I'm in love with you."

"No." Sasuke looked amused, as if Naruto was joking. "You're hilarious."

"I'm not joking around, Sasuke!" The blonde quickly argued and Sasuke frowned. Naruto reached forward and gripped Sasuke''s shoulders.

"I think I'm in love with you and I think you might like me back." Naruto spoke with a hopeful tone and the Uchiha's eyes suddenly became shadowed.

"Naruto..." Sasuke began slowly. Naruto shot Sasuke a stunning grin.

"You tried to kill your heart, but you couldn't." He murmured and the Uchiha clenched his eyes shut.

"I admit it," Sasuke looked away towards the sunset. "I've...lost." Naruto reached for Sasuke and took his hand. Sasuke offered Naruto a crooked smile before releasing his hand and moving forward, walking back towards the village. Naruto stared after him in confusion.

"So that's it? Now what!?" Naruto called after him. Sasuke kept walking but his pace slowed down slightly.

"We're dating now, Dobe." Sasuke responded over his shoulder and Naruto nearly shrieked with delight. He contained it and sped up to walk with Sasuke.

"Oh, ummm good. Cool." He rambled and Sasuke reached to take the blonde's hand in his own, offering the boy an ever so slight smile. But it reached his eyes and Naruto could only beam back.

"Boyfriends."

"Did you go to my brother for advice?" Sasuke asked and Naruto nodded. "Figures."

"Yeh, but he was getting really kinky with Kakashi and wearing some sort of cat costu-"

"WHAT!? KAKASHI'S IN MY HOUSE!?" Sasuke's eyes glowed red and Naruto gulped.

"Well yeah...I mean they were a bit occupied with each-"

"Kakashi's touching my brother!?"

"They're sort of dating..."

"That doesn't mean anything! My brother's a virgin!"

"I can assure you Sasuke, from what he was wearing and all the rumors we've head from Genma and Ino...Itachi's not a virgin." Naruto was already feeling a headache coming on. Was Sasuke really this dense?

"Let's go Naruto." Sasuke stalked forward quickly.

"Where are we going?" Naruto nervously asked.

"To kill Kakashi."

Date an Uchiha they said. It would be great they said...


End file.
